just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
