The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
