Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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