stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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