just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
