This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
