Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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