After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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