I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize