So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
