so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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