the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
