I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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