she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
