I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
