holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
