last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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