Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
