Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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