Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
