Nicole vs. Life
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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