I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
