Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
