Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
