You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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