I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we're making bets on your personal life
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
