So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
