Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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