shes about as inviting as chlamydia
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I intend to get homeless drunk
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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