Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
