The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
