I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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