I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Randomize
