so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
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