We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
