Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
