But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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