ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I want to be your penis for a week.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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