lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My vagina just recognized that song.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
