Banned from zoo.
Again?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
