I just saw a hot homeless man
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
