you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
