carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
