Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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