Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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