I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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