do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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