Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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