I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
