6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm at about main and main street
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ladies don't puke and tell
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize