omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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