the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
