Swine flu. Run for my life!
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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