DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
