I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
