My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
