were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
