I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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