dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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