Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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