my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
