How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
