At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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