The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
