trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I party with great urgency now.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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