Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
