those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
